


Hannibal and Will Go Shopping

by JadeLupine



Category: Hannibal (TV)
Genre: An adorably pissed off Hannibal, Cuteness galore, Domestic, Exasperated Will, Fluff, Humor, M/M, Mentions of Dressing Room Sex, light hearted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-28
Updated: 2013-06-28
Packaged: 2017-12-16 10:10:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/860919
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JadeLupine/pseuds/JadeLupine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>----"Don't you have shorts? A polo shirt or something? You can't really wear five hundred dollar loafers and Italian pants to the field!" </p><p>"I am not wearing shorts. And I can wear loafers, they have not posed a particular problem before."  </p><p>"Right, the dogs can wait." </p><p>Hannibal smiled delightedly. "Very good. We can resume our daily act---"</p><p>"I'm taking you shopping, Hannibal." </p><p>"No, Will. You will not take me shopping as you put it. I do not shop in your cheap American stores." Hannibal looked down his nose at Will's clothes. ------</p><p>In which Will realizes Hannibal's wardrobe is way too formal and they go to H & M to remedy that. Or else known as Will Dragging His Lover To An American Establishment Against His Will And This Is Grounds For Prosecution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hannibal and Will Go Shopping

**Author's Note:**

> Just a harmless piece.   
> This is NOT crack, although I suppose it's meant to be funny in some bits.   
> Enjoy!

"Should we walk the dogs today?" Will asked, lounging lazily on an easy recliner chair in Hannibal's private study as the man himself pored over a tome. 

"We?" Hannibal looked up, raising his eyebrows (or whatever there was of them), and looking down at his impeccable suit. "I hardly think I am the dog walking type, terribly sorry Will." Although he didn't sound sorry, and resumed his work.

"But they'll probably have an accident in the house, Hannibal!" Will explained, eyes widening.

"I do not really care much if one of them breaks a leg or two, you have ten others." 

"Not that kind of accident!" Will laughed, and Hannibal looked up, pleased by the uncommon sound. "I mean they'll go to the toilet inside the house, and it'll be really dirty the next time we visit." 

As Will expected, Hannibal's lip curled up in disgust as he imagined walking amongst dog turds. 

"What does walking your dogs involve, Will? I am not going to hold on to any leashes or help them defaecate, or put it into a bag or and of that disgusting nonsense." 

Will snorted, amused by Hannibal's hygiene. "You don't have to  _help_ them do it. We'll just let them out, and they'll go anywhere, and you and I can have a walk across the fields." 

That sounded good. 

"All right." Hannibal decided, getting up. He looked Will up and down, the man was clad in his usual plaid fishing gear and his old scruffy shorts. Sneakers added to the rather messy mix, as Hannibal made a mental note to throw all Will's revolting shoes away. "Let us go to the dogs then." 

Will snorted again, looking at his lover, and coughed, trying to hide it.

"You seem to be very amused today, Will." Hannibal commented, narrowing his eyes. "Any joke I should share?" 

"No, its just... you can't seriously believe you're going to come wearing  _that,_ right?" 

"Yes, I am coming in this. I don't think there's a problem." 

In Will's eyes there was no problem either. The suit was a dark red, creased in all the right places, and made Hannibal look like a God of some sorts. The tie and the waistcoat clashed in a terribly endearing, sophisticated way. However, he would hate to see Hannibal's face after he found out that walking the dogs involved a lot of mud, which would irrevocably damage his thousand dollar suits. 

"Yeah there's a problem, Hannibal. You need to get something casual...and something that doesn't cost someone's salary." 

"Right. I have plenty of casual wear. I could wear one of those." Hannibal said thoughtfully, thinking of his expensive wardrobe.

Somehow, Will thought that Hannibal's casual clothes weren't exactly casual.

He was right.

"Hannibal, for God's sake!" he cried, peering into the wardrobe and fingering a cashmere jumper and Italian pants, starched and creased. "These are not  _casual."_

"I wear them to casual events. That makes them my casual clothes." Hannibal was affronted at the way Will stared at his Beligium woven silk. 

"Don't you have shorts? A polo shirt or something? You can't really wear five hundred dollar loafers and Italian pants to the field!" 

"I am  _not_ wearing shorts. And I can wear loafers, they have not posed a particular problem before."  

"Right, the dogs can wait." 

Hannibal smiled delightedly. "Very good. We can resume our daily act---"

"I'm taking you shopping, Hannibal." 

"No, Will. You will not  _take me shopping_ as you put it. I do not shop in your cheap American stores." Hannibal looked down his nose at Will's clothes. 

"Yes, Hannibal, we're shopping. Since you probably would throw a fit if I took you to Wal-Mart or Target, I'd better take you to somewhere...um, classier." 

"I will not set foot in a mass-produced hell-hole such as Wal-Mart, Will." Hannibal smoothed his shirt out again, adjusting his tie. "If you intend to take me shopping, please take me somewhere where they do not employ starving Chinese children to make the clothes." 

Will rolled his eyes.

"H & M it is, Hannibal." 

Hannibal's Bentley rolled up smoothly to the driveway of the shop and he decorously gave his keys to a jockey who would park the car for him. He looked up as the place as Will jumped out of the car and grinned at Hannibal, excited. It didn't even look out of place of his face in this atmosphere. Hannibal almost smiled back, but then he remembered why they were here.

"I will let you be top if only you do not insist on this nonsense." He hissed urgently into Will's ear as they strode up to a shop assistant.

"Nope." 

"Good morning sirs, how may I help y'all." The lady had overly large teeth as well as a bright blue hairband perched on her hair. 

"We're just looking for some casual wear for my boyfriend here, could you tell us where to go?"

Hannibal twitched in horror at being called  _boyfriend._ Lover was fine, companion, domestic partner, sexual partner anything was fine. _Boyfriend_ made him sound twelve years old. 

"Aw you two are so sweet I can feel my teeth poppin'. Right, y'all head over to second floor, you've got sports clothes and other stuff, eh?" 

"Thank you."

"Try these on." Will held up a pair of khaki knee length fishing shorts and a size S polo shirt. "The shorts are like mine, see?" Will said, extending his leg.

"What makes you think I would like to dress like you?" Hannibal wrinkled his nose, looking at the set of clothes. "Why are the pants cut halfway off? And there are far too many pockets, I do not have that many pocket hankerchiefs."

"Just. Put. Them. On, Hannibal." Will closed his eyes and handed the clothes to his lover, and pushed him into a stall. 

Will waited outside, wondering if he would have to fake a seizure before Hannibal willingly came out in his clothes. He wandered over to the muscle shirts and picked a sleeveless one, a small size. Hannibal probably hasn't even seen these kind of clothes, Will gleefully thought as he folded them up next to him. 

"Do you have a pair of ripped jeans?" He asked the man who was standing at the rail. 

"For you?" He drawled, looking at Will. 

"No, not really, but I think my size should do." 

The man handed him a pair of tastefully ripped jeans, and Will held them up next to the sleeveless muscle shirt, anticipation bouncing in his throat. 

"I look like a Thai prostitute off the streets." Hannibal's voice dolefully echoed through the changing room door. "I will not walk around like a sixteen year old woman." 

Will laughed out loud, Hannibal sounded so depressed, he couldn't help it. 

"Show me, Hannibal." 

"I am not coming out in this horrific attire."

"Yes you are." 

He heard an annoyed sigh and the changing room opened, revealing a most pissed Hannibal, glaring at the clothes stuck on to him. Will's mouth fell open, he even wondered if he was drooling a little (he was not). If Hannibal looked like a god before, it was nothing compared to what he looked like now. The polo shirt clung to him artfully revealing slabs of muscle and the neck was slightly open, revealing a toned, tanned chest and a smattering of hair. Will had seen his lover naked many times, but  _this,_ this was a whole other thing. The shorts ended up halfway across his legs and showed off his muscled legs.

"No. No way am I wearing these outrageous clothes." 

"Yeah you are." Will tore his eyes off Hannibal's torso. "Look at this!" He held up the sleeveless muscle shirt, grinning at Hannibal. 

"Is that for Abigail?" He asked, mildly curious. 

"Its for you."

Hannibal visibly recoiled as Will pushed the clothes into his arms and back into the dressing room. This time, the man took a bit longer, and Will worried he might have hung himself with the jeans. 

"Hannibal, are you done?" 

His lover's voice sounded muffled. "There are three holes on these things and they're all the same size." He complained. 

He got his head in the sleeve, didn't he? Will couldn't even hide his giggles. 

"This denim is old and torn. I request a new pair." Again, the deep voice muttered from the cubicle. 

Denim?

Oh. 

"Hannibal, the're ripped jeans. People wear them. _Will you please_ just put them on and come outside?"

The door opened again and Will beheld a sight that made his crotch throb hard. Hannibal in a sleeveless shirt  _and_ ripped jeans was too much. He could not deal with this. With an animalistic growl, he pushed the older man into the cubicle and rammed the door shut behind him. Hannibal ran his teeth over Will's neck tantalizingly. 

"Why, Will?' He growled. "If these clothes make your libido increse to such insane levels, I have no problem in donning these, even for a short while." He quickly unbuttoned Will's shirt and made to take off his own as Will stopped him. 

"Keep that shirt on. It's sexy." 

The shop assistant stood by the railing, slowly chewing his gum as he rolled his eyes at the banging and muffled moaning echoing from Cubicle Three. It was always the gay couples, thought the man, they always have the loudest sex in the dressing rooms. 

The men emerged from the room, looking a bit ruffled. 

"Where do I pay?" Asked Hannibal, holding the clothes at arms length, looking at them distastefully. 

"One hundred and sixty dollars, sir." The redneck woman was ringing up the items and put them in a purple paper bag with a lady's face on it. 

Hannibal hissed in horror. 

"Is it too expensive?" asked Will, doubting that was the case. 

"My  _soap_ costs this much money, and I have bought two full sets of apparel with this miniscule amount. If word of this gets out---"

"People will begin to think you're pretty normal."

"Hold the bag, Will." Hannibal gestured to the purple bag on the counter. 

Will snorted sarcastically. "Its' your shopping Hannibal, you hold it." 

Hannibal closed his eyes and counted to three before he gingerly picked up the feminine bag and headed out of the shop, a bouncing Will in tow. 

" _Is that Will and Dr. Lecter?"_  hissed Jimmy Price to Beverly. "Look, to your right!"

Beverly swivelled her head, as did Zeller. "Look what he's holding!" 

"...I always knew the man was a dandy but still..." Zeller looked at him, eyes wide. 

Seven hours later, the sun was setting, the dogs' bladders and bowels' were empty, WIll was sweating profusely, as was Hannibal (very attractively so) as they picked their way back across the field. Will was in shorts and an old blue FBI T-shirt, and Hannibal was in his new sleeveless shirt and shorts, disgruntled at the way the clothes kept clinging to him. 

"What is that dog's name?" He pointed at the brown one. 

"Oh, that's Winston, he's new." 

"He seems better behaved than the others. Maybe you should consider keeping only Wilson, and giving the others away." 

"In your dreams, Hannibal. And its Winston." Will laughed, prompting Hannibal to do the same, a rare flash of teeth and a deep chuckle. 

"WILL! Will, I thought you wouldn't be here!" Alana Bloom strode toward Will, her hair bouncing and her eyes flashing. "I came all the way to feed them and you already are here!?"

"Shit, sorry Alana, I forgot to tell you... I',--" 

" _Is that Hannibal?"_ The woman's wrath was forgotten in the face of seeing her former mentor in such casual clothes. 

"Yes it is Hannibal, and he wishes you wouldn't address him in third person as he is standing right here." Hannibal told Alana, raising his eyebrows.

" _Will!"_ she exclaimed. "You got him out of a suit? The man bloody came to a poolside party in Armani." 

"I left after ten minutes if you don't remember that particular event." Hannibal closed his eyes at the memory of all the respectable people prancing around in swimwear. Never, ever again would he attend a  _pool_ party.

And they stood by the setting sun, talking, laughing a little, sweating in the dusk air. A little happiness among all the murders and the killed, and the kinnings (for Hannibal, at least), and all the macabreness was incredibly precious, and all three of them knew it. And so, Hannibal could live with sleeveless shirts, prostitute trousers and cloth sneakers, if it meant getting to see Will smile and laugh at his expense.

After all, he wouldn't be laughing for much longer. 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah, I had quite a bit of fun writing this. I remembered the muscle shirt because Mads basically wore only that throughout the movie Blinkende Lygter. 
> 
> I may write more of these kind, such as them going grocery shopping, or Will teaching Hannibal how to fish.   
> You should comment your thoughts, and tell me ideas for the next ones!


End file.
